Greetings from down south! Before I say anything else I would like to thank you all for your thoughts and prayers for me this week! This week has been very interesting to say the least. I do not have any exciting stories about any of the ministries I have been involved in this week but I do have something very important to share with you. Please bear with me as I explain everything that has led up to my decision but in short I am writing you to tell you that I am coming home. So now my story begins...
As some of you are aware of, this trip has turned out to be anything but good for me. I was very much looking forward to coming to Nicaragua before the trip and had NO idea that it would not go well. At the beginning of my trip I was struggling with severe homesickness but I suppose that is probably a natural thing. With the help of my parents I was able to overcome that and I again started looking forward to being in Nicaragua. Things still did not seem to be going well though after I arrived in Nicaragua. I thought that I was still just homesick and did not really tell anyone I was struggling. I went out to lunch one day with Sarah Kaye(the missionaries wife down here) though and she talked to me about being an introvert. I had no idea what that even meant but she explained it to me and immediately a light bulb went off in my head. I realized that I had been struggling so much because I am an extreme introvert and had not had any alone time since I had been on the trip. What I thought to just be homesick turned out to be so much more! It was getting really bad though and I found myself falling not only mentally but also spiritually. It has now come to the point where I dread getting up in the morning because it means another day of continually being surrounded by people with no time alone. I literally still dread every moment of the day. Ministry has literally become a foreign concept to me. All I know how to do was put one foot in front of the other and pretend everything is ok. Through this I wanted nothing more than to go home but I could not understand how it could be Gods will to bring me here just so I could come home. It has since became clear to me though that I NEED to come home. I have literally fallen apart and i need help. I still struggle through everyday but I am beginning to see Gods hand in this. I firmly believe now that God is calling me home.
Here is why I believe God is calling me home. You see before the trip even began I was placing my identity in Nicaragua rather than letting God use me in my current situation at that time. Now that I look back I realize that this trip had become an idol to me. I put off trying to draw near to God because I figured that once I was in Nicaragua I could get back on track again. Talk about wrong thinking!! Now that I am here God has shown me that I do not have to leave the country to be used by Him. He wants me to live in the present, not the future, and let Him use me in the little things of life. I do not have to be a jillion miles away from home on some fancy trip to be used by God. He can use me even at home. That is only the beginning of what He has taught me here! I also believe God brought me here to break me. I have never been one to be absolutely open with people. I always hold my struggles in and I now fully realize how bad that is! To think that God brought me clear to Nicaragua to show me that I need to be open with people!! Once I get home I will really be put to the test as I tell everyone about this trip.
I feel like God has taught me so much through this trip. I firmly believe that I am supposed to come home though. God has brought me to a point of complete brokenness to work in me. Once I get home you will be recieving a letter from me that will hopefully clear things up even more. I do hope you are not too disappointed in me. Your prayers and financial support have NOT been wasted! If you do want your money back please let me know and I will work to fefund your money in full. I am flying out of Nicaragua on Tuesday so please keep me in your prayers. I do apologize for any inconvenience this may cause. Your support has NOT been wasted!
This is what God wants from me and though I still do not fully understand why, I am completely at peace with coming home. The only thing I am scared of is that my supporters will be disapointed in me. I do hope you will understand and continue to love me through this. God knows that right now I need to be loved more than ever before! I am sorry. Look for a letter from me in the mail soon. Thank you again. May you be blessed through this.
One more week has now come to pass on this trip. This week was filled with adventures, as every other week has been. I spent a lot of time at the Sister's Of Charity orphanage teaching ESL and also helping in the daycare. In our ESL class we had a total of 7 students...that compared to the 5 teachers trying to teach the class. Needless to say we had enough teachers! =) This week we have also been studying the book of Job. One of the local pastors has been coming to teach on Job. That was an enjoyable time. The highlight of my week was probably on Wednesday afternoon though. We were picking up trash and it was so cool watching locals get involved with that. We did not expect people to help us but some children started picking up trash with us. That was a lot of fun! it was fun to watch God do that!What a neat witnessing opportunity that was! Thursday morning I was able to put my machete-using skills to the test. Here in Nicaragua machetes are used to cut the grass as opposed to lawn mowers. I have never used a machete before but I now know how to cut grass with a machete! =) I must send my apologies for making this post so short but right now is not the most convienent time for me. If you are interested in looking at pictures of my trip you can visit www.photobucket.com/joannweng Thanks again for your prayers! God bless you.
Well it appears that many of you think that I should perhaps update my blog...I cannot say that I blame you. I am in Nicaragua now-- I have been for three weeks now. I feel like I probably have a million things to say but the sad thing is that none come to mind presently. I must apologize because I do not have any pictures to post currently. I did not bring a camera but hopefully one of my teammates will let me upload some of their pictures at some point or another...hopefully soon!
I bet you are probably wondering what happens on a normal day here. On Monday through Friday in the mornings our team has classes. We just finished going over the book Victory Over Darkness. We meet at the Bridge(that is the mission base we are working with) for classtime. After coming back to our house and eating lunch it varies according to the day as to what we do in the afternoon. Starting tomorrow, every Monday and Tuesday afternoon I will be going to a local orphanage to teach ESL(whatever that is. We are teaching english I believe). As you can tell I do not exactly know how that will work. Ask me after tomorrow. =) On Wednesday afternoons we are going to find a section of land and spend the afternoon simply picking up trash. In this society it is natural for people to throw their trash on the ground as opposed to in a garbage bin. One thing about Nicaragua is that indeed, it is VERY dirty! It will be a challenge to pick up the trash because there is so much of it. Our hope is that people will see us working to clean up our section of land and they will in turn take the initiative to start throwing away some of their trash. It will be interesting to see how that turns out. I am still not sure what we will be doing on Thursday and Friday afternoons. We are still working on setting up some ministries. On Saturdays we have the day off. That is usually when I am able to get on the internet and spend some time checking out the town. On Sunday we go to church usually in the morning and in the evening and in the between time we also have a little free time.
I am getting to know my teammates very well here in Nicaragua. Praise God we all get along! In the girls house there are 11 girls...10 students and 1 female leader. The four guys live with one male leader in another house a couple blocks away. We also have two interpreters that we work with alot. It has been so fun watching them! To begin with they were just interpreters but now we all consider them friends. Mario, one of our interpreters, is 38 with a wife and three daughters. He has had a rough history but has very recently accepted Christ as His Savior and now He is absolutely on fire for God! It is so fun to watch him work with us! Natalia, our other translator, has two young children and a boyfriend from Germany. I am not sure if she has actually accepted Christ as her Savior but she has opened up to us so much since we have been here! God is definitely working in her life. Pray for her!
Thank you all for your prayers. I will continue to keep you updated throughout the trip. I am really bad at blogging(as I am sure you have already figured out) but I will do my best to start updating every week. God bless you.
Ahhhh blogging...what joy I find in learning the new and exciting skill of how to blog. To be quite truthful I'm not much into writing so you will just have to bear with me as I learn the ups and downs of blogging. As this trip approaches rapidly I'm torn between emotions. A part of me feels completely nervous at the thought of leaving everything I know for a condiserably long amount of time. This is the day I have dreamed about for years-- starting a new and exciting journey in this wonderful gift called life. Yet now that it's here I can't help but feel a bit nervous about leaving the comfortable lifestyle I know so well. But the greater part of me is pumped up in excitement to start this trip to Nicaragua. I'm learning each day that God hasn't called me to sit in comfort my whole life, but to take steps out of the norm, into the uncomfortable and unknown, and learn how to trust in Him through whatever circumstances come my way. The excitement of starting something new, doing something worthwhile, is starting to take over me. To think that in less than a week I will be in a completely new environment surrounded by none of the familiar faces I see everyday is an exciting thought! It's also a great opportunity for me to lean on Jesus, and be reminded that He is in control of my circumstances. This trip is about stepping out of my comfort zone and learning how to glorify God no matter who I am with, where I am at, or what I am doing. As I approach the start of this exciting time I realize that this trip is not about where I am at or what I am doing; its about allowing God to use me wherever I am and in whatever I'm doing. It's the start of something new!
